The Month Rochester Never Fails To Let Me Down

Every March, Rochester breaks my heart.

Yes, I’m talking about the one in New York, and, no, I’m not talking about Women’s History Month. Back in the 19th century, Susan B. Anthony made sure we’d be legit in that regard.

It’s the greatest sporting event in the country to which I sorrowfully refer.

Specifically, it’s the fact that we never have a horse in the race, i.e. a team in the tournament.

And by tournament, I, of course, mean March Madness.

While the rest of the country is obsessing about the Division I men’s college basketball showcase, we here in the Flour City are left wondering what could have been.

It’s not that our teams are suboptimal, unworthy of an invitation.

It’s that somehow, someway, we don’t even have a single team!

Let’s scroll through the largest metropolitan areas in the country in descending order to see where that puts us.

1. New York. Team(s).
2. Los Angeles. Team(s).
3. Chicago. Team(s).
4. Dallas. Team(s).
5. Houston. Team(s).
6. Miami. Team(s).
7. Washington, DC. Team(s).
8. Atlanta. Team(s).
9. Philadelphia. Team(s).
10. Phoenix. Team(s).
11. Boston. Team(s).
12. Riverside-San Bernardino (CA). Team(s).
13. San Francisco. Team(s).
14. Detroit. Team(s).
15. Seattle. Team(s).
16. Minneapolis-St. Paul. Team(s).
17. Tampa. Team(s).
18. San Diego. Team(s).
19. Denver. Team(s).
20. Orlando. Team(s).
21. Charlotte. Team(s).
22. Baltimore. Team(s).
23. St. Louis. Team(s).
24. San Antonio. Team(s).
25. Austin. Team(s).
26. Portland (OR). Team(s).
27. Sacramento. Team(s).
28. Pittsburgh. Team(s).
29. Las Vegas. Team(s).
30. Cincinnati. Team(s).
31. Kansas City. Team(s).
32. Columbus (OH). Team(s).
33. Indianapolis. Team(s).
34. Cleveland. Team(s).
35. Nashville. Team(s).
36. San Jose. Team(s).
37. Virginia Beach-Chesapeake-Norfolk. Team(s).
38. Jacksonville (FL). Team(s).
39. Providence. Team(s).
40. Milwaukee. Team(s).
41. Raleigh. Team(s).
42. Oklahoma City. Team(s).
43. Louisville. Team(s).
44. Richmond (VA). Team(s).
45. Memphis. Team(s).
46. Salt Lake City. Team(s).
47. Birmingham. Team(s).
48. Fresno (CA). Team(s).
49. Grand Rapids (MI). By way of having a campus of Western Michigan University, team(s).
50. Hartford. Team(s).
51. Buffalo. Team(s).
52. Tucson. Team(s).
53. Tulsa. Team(s).
54. Rochester (NY). NO TEAM(S)! 

That makes Rochester the largest metropolitan area in the country without a Division I men’s college basketball team.

Your initial reaction might be that Rochester is simply too small.

Well, the next six metro areas below it have teams.

Heck, even Lexington, Kentucky, which is half the size of Rochester, has a team.

Green Bay, Wisconsin, one third the size of Rochester, has a team.

Johnson City, Tennessee, one fifth the size of Rochester, has a team.

Ithaca, New York, one tenth the size of Rochester, has a team.

Some place called Cape Girardeau in Missouri has a team.

Freaking Pocatello—as in the dot in Idaho—has a team.

Let it be known that I’ve given my prime years to Rochester.

I did, after all, choose to raise my offspring in this place.

I’ve written numerous blog posts about it.

I’ve even written books about it.

You would think, as a show of thanks, the town would do the right thing.

But year after year, every March, I’m left pining for Ames.

That’s in damn Iowa, by the way.