Kansas City: Art Thou Actually Important?

Kansas City, you’re in flyover country

And by the coastal elites you’re ignored

Those snobs think the Midwest is empty

A wasteland, ugly and unexplored

 

But do you have us all fooled, humble KC?

Is there magic hiding in your nook?

Is your no-name town a vibrant city?

Let’s go ahead and take a quick look

 

First came the Natives, then France and Spain

Then the US and its Louisiana Purchase

A Mormon settlement was not retained

And your life as we know it came to the surface

 

A port where the Missouri and Kansas Rivers meet

Incorporated some time around 1850

The railroad helped you get on your two feet

And from there you were taken seriously

 

Not too seriously, as you’re stuck in the middle

A few hours from the contiguous states’ center

No beaches, no mountains, not even a little

Just sprawl, no matter where visitors enter

 

Heck, the nearest towns are Omaha and Tulsa

And that ain’t real good for branding

The fact that you’re somewhere near Wichita

Doesn’t do much to help your standing

 

We don’t even know which state you’re in

Apparently you’re mostly in Missouri

But a suburb of yours has the same designation

It’s in Kansas—now that’s kind of quirky

 

The summers are hot and the winters are cold

You’re known for hail and the random tornado

On you, my friend, it’s hard to be sold

All of the above is not much of a combo

 

But wait! There might be more

You probably have a story to tell

A metro area of 2.2 million’s no bore

That’s 31st in the country and a lot of personnel

 

Your jazz scene was amazing

And maybe still is

And your barbecue’s tantalizing

There’s no arguing with this

 

Only a few of your folks are jobless

With Hostess, Hallmark, and H&R Block

People even work for the mighty IRS

That’s the truth, not just a knock

 

Your downtown is thriving

There’s a building over 600 feet

Tons of shopping and dining

And a skyline that’s pretty sweet

 

You’re the City of Fountains

The Paris of the Plains

Who needs any mountains?

This is the land of good grains

 

The museums are world-class

World War I, jazz, and art

The Kauffman Center has major glass

Because local architecture plays its part

 

There’s a bunch of other stuff to do too

NFL, MLB, MLS, casinos

We’ve heard you even have a decent zoo

And a startling number of great live shows

 

Your public library looks like a huge bookshelf

That’s for real and not a sham

You got Union Station, a gem unto itself

There’s supposedly even some sort of tram

 

A few famous people once called you home

Like Truman, Don Cheadle, and Walter Cronkite

And those three are far from alone

Walt Disney and Hemingway were a KC sight

 

You had Charlie Parker and Count Basie

Puddle of Mudd and Janelle Monáe

There’s even the guitarist Pat Metheny

Of movers and shakers you’re a veritable buffet

 

All this comes at a reasonable price

Compared to LA, traffic is light

And the people—they’re definitely nice

To mingle with them is an actual delight

 

So it turns out, Kansas City, you’ve been getting the shaft

With a bunch of unfounded chatter

Because it’s clear from all the Wikipedia graphs

That you, KC, you totally matter!

 

(Image credit: Dean Hochman from Overland Park, Kansas, U.S., CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)