The Breakup Song for the Old Married Couple

The breakup song is in.

Just ask Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo.

But there’s an inherent injustice in this market. What about the people who’ve been married forever, living a breakup-free existence?

This one’s for you.

 

Verse 1 (Spouse 1)

I met you when I was nineteen

You were my sunshine—and my queen

You, and that other girl Lee

But she never actually talked to me

So going with you was the easy choice

The one that would make parents rejoice

We talked two kids and four bedrooms

And you settled on me as a workable groom

 

Chorus (Both Spouses)

When I look at you, you’re the one

Ever since I got the cataracts done

How could I forget those moonlight strolls

Or these ultra-romantic wheelchair rolls?

 

Verse 2 (Spouse 2)

You never really had good hair

Even when the hair was actually there

It wasn’t love at first sight

But your straight A’s—those were alright

I figured you’d make decent money

Get life insurance and call me honey

We’d go to work and take a vacation

Live the Hollywood life, just in Wisconsin

 

Chorus (Both Spouses)

When I look at you, you’re the one

Ever since I got the cataracts done

How could I forget those moonlight strolls

Or these ultra-romantic wheelchair rolls?

 

Bridge (Alternating)

No alimony, no visitation rights

No time apart, no major fights

No one-night stands or other wrongs

No good material for the breakup song

Just two kids and four great bedrooms

Some minor surgeries and lots of prunes

That’s how we roll in stability

Just you wait till I get the new knee

 

Chorus (Both Spouses)

When I look at you, you’re the one

Ever since I got the cataracts done

How could I forget those moonlight strolls

Or these ultra-romantic wheelchair rolls?