New York, LA, Chicago, and Miami—they got nothing on “Cleveland!”
You’ll just have to trust me on this one.
I’ll even show you the lyrics—in a minute.
Let’s start with the woman who doesn’t rest, like ever.
That’s how, during the highest-grossing concert tour of all time, she worked on two albums (technically three, as the first had 31 songs).
Then, when the tour ended, rather than sleep, she married the man with the goofy smile—you’ll see that in a minute, too.
Like she said:
You only need to find one person in this entire world
Who doesn’t find you completely insufferable
And I have an important announcement to make
I found mine
(My wife is still deciding about me.)
Anyway, that man, who catches footballs for a living, happens to be from Cleveland Heights, an inner-ring suburb of Cleveland.
And that’s how the most famous person in the world just released a song called “Cleveland!”
You’ll find it on The Life of a Showgirl (one of the aforementioned two albums), The Encore edition to be exact.
When you read the lyrics, as promised, you won’t find any mention of New York, LA, Chicago, and Miami.
What you will see, after a shoutout to the haters, is a love story, with references to a childhood porch, Cleveland, and The Heights.
It’s a veritable Rust Belt romance.
The lyric video is even rife with images of The Land.
This is something that the Great Lakes, minus Chi-Town and Toronto, never see.
Just run the list, west to east, starting with Duluth, then Milwaukee, Toledo, Detroit, Erie, and Buffalo.
No one famous is crooning about those burgs anymore.
Yet thanks to holy matrimony, we now have the mediocre pop tune “Cleveland!”
That gift, however, does leave one glaring question:
Why, Mr. Kelce, could you not have been from Rochester?
