In a shocking turn of events, on August 30, 2026, authorities in Rochester, New York, reported having seen what looked like an Indian man wandering along the shores of Lake America.
According to reports, the man did not appear to have Indigenous features, looking almost white except for the distinctly brown skin.
When confronted regarding his actions, the man insisted he had been born in Milwaukee along Lake Michigan and simply enjoyed the Great Lakes.
He went on to claim that his American accent was not a fake—apparently, he just talked like that.
After being taken in for formal questioning, his account of events raised further suspicion.
The brown man repeatedly pointed to his large gut, asking, Is this not American?
He insisted on hating all Canadians except for a former neighbor from Nova Scotia who had once invited his family over for snacks.
Get me a Garbage Plate, he requested.
Actually, get me two—one with Zweigle’s white hots and the other with cheeseburgers. I eat beef dammit.
He went on to start naming various Buffalo Bills.
I even know the offensive linemen!
Increasingly desperate, his biography began to lose credibility.
I like Morgan Wallen.
I have family who are members of Mar-a-Lago.
My son is at a Christ-centered school in Tennessee.
I shot guns with a former Marine.
Unimpressed, the authorities asked him to really prove he was American.
What’s the name of the lake we’re on? they asked.
Lake America, the man replied.
Who won the 2020 Presidential election?
White man, said the brown man.
What’s your favorite song?
“God Bless the U.S.A.”
What’s your favorite book?
After conferring with their superiors, the authorities released the man on the condition that he refrain from eating samosas for one month.
