I’m not petty—except when I am. Take the Colorado River.
On July 26, 2026, relentless Cyber-wandering landed me on a headline: “Colorado River reservoirs hit record lows as Trump administration threatens major cuts.”
I feigned shock—could rapid population growth in a desert have consequences?
Seven states—Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, New Mexico, Nevada, California, and Arizona—depend on the 1,450-mile-long river and its famed reservoirs (Lake Powell and Lake Mead) to quench their thirst.
One—Arizona—deserves special attention.
Located at the end of the line before the river dives into Mexico and empties into the Gulf of California, the state has concocted the following formula:
Keep taxes low.
This will ensure low per-pupil spending, low teacher salaries, and dated facilities.
The result will be the worst public school system in the country.
Allow high-tax states like New York—home to the best public school system in the country—to educate the next generation.
Meanwhile, use the low taxes to steal businesses from other states.
Then, go ahead and steal the young residents that other states paid to educate in order to fill those jobs.
While you’re at it, take some retirees as well so they can spend their life savings in your state as opposed to the ones where they made a living.
All of the above will equal Phoenix, the tenth-largest metro area in the country, home to 500% population growth over the past 50 years and 5.2 million residents—in a desert.
To make the place look nice, build a ton of golf courses and use the Colorado River to water them.
The last step, of course, is to complain that there’s not enough water.
As a final option, consider asking the states from which you stole businesses and residents if you can use their water.*
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*The Great Lakes Compact, signed into law by President George W. Bush in 2008, is an agreement between the eight Great Lakes states (Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin), coordinated with two Canadian provinces (Ontario and Quebec), that with very rare exceptions bans the diversion of Great Lakes water outside its natural basin. And, on that note, I’ll have another glass.
