Kansas City, you’re in flyover country
And by the coastal elites you’re ignored
Those snobs think the Midwest is empty
A wasteland, ugly and unexplored
But do you have us all fooled, humble KC?
Is there magic hiding in your nook?
Is your no-name town a vibrant city?
Let’s go ahead and take a quick look
First came the Natives, then France and Spain
Then the US and its Louisiana Purchase
A Mormon settlement was not retained
And your life as we know it came to the surface
A port where the Missouri and Kansas Rivers meet
Incorporated some time around 1850
The railroad helped you get on your two feet
And from there you were taken seriously
Not too seriously, as you’re stuck in the middle
A few hours from the contiguous states’ center
No beaches, no mountains, not even a little
Just sprawl, no matter where visitors enter
Heck, the nearest towns are Omaha and Tulsa
And that ain’t real good for branding
The fact that you’re somewhere near Wichita
Doesn’t do much to help your standing
We don’t even know which state you’re in
Apparently you’re mostly in Missouri
But a suburb of yours has the same designation
It’s in Kansas—now that’s kind of quirky
The summers are hot and the winters are cold
You’re known for hail and the random tornado
On you, my friend, it’s hard to be sold
All of the above is not much of a combo
But wait! There might be more
You probably have a story to tell
A metro area of 2.2 million’s no bore
That’s 31st in the country and a lot of personnel
Your jazz scene was amazing
And maybe still is
And your barbecue’s tantalizing
There’s no arguing with this
Only a few of your folks are jobless
With Hostess, Hallmark, and H&R Block
People even work for the mighty IRS
That’s the truth, not just a knock
Your downtown is thriving
There’s a building over 600 feet
Tons of shopping and dining
And a skyline that’s pretty sweet
You’re the City of Fountains
The Paris of the Plains
Who needs any mountains?
This is the land of good grains
The museums are world-class
World War I, jazz, and art
The Kauffman Center has major glass
Because local architecture plays its part
There’s a bunch of other stuff to do too
NFL, MLB, MLS, casinos
We’ve heard you even have a decent zoo
And a startling number of great live shows
Your public library looks like a huge bookshelf
That’s for real and not a sham
You got Union Station, a gem unto itself
There’s supposedly even some sort of tram
A few famous people once called you home
Like Truman, Don Cheadle, and Walter Cronkite
And those three are far from alone
Walt Disney and Hemingway were a KC sight
You had Charlie Parker and Count Basie
Puddle of Mudd and Janelle Monáe
There’s even the guitarist Pat Metheny
Of movers and shakers you’re a veritable buffet
All this comes at a reasonable price
Compared to LA, traffic is light
And the people—they’re definitely nice
To mingle with them is an actual delight
So it turns out, Kansas City, you’ve been getting the shaft
With a bunch of unfounded chatter
Because it’s clear from all the Wikipedia graphs
That you, KC, you totally matter!
(Image credit: Dean Hochman from Overland Park, Kansas, U.S., CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)
4 Responses
Wow! Sounds like an unknown gem. Maybe we should move it to the Northeast!
Haha. Yes, I think it would look great in Upstate New York!
An excellent way to describe KCM, making a Superbowl presence in 2023.
Thank you. Things have definitely been looking bright for the Kansas City Chiefs.