I just read Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut.
It was absurd, irreverent, and, well, classic Kurt Vonnegut.
As an aspiring writer, I thought I’d try to sound like him.
Consider this an exercise in fiction—I don’t believe anything I’m saying.
—
Kurt Vonnegut reminded me that humans have a favorite hobby.
It basically revolves around slaughtering each other.
Usually, they slaughter each other over fairy tales.
A fairy tale is a made-up story.
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When humans slaughter each other, the ones not being slaughtered are supposed to pick sides.
No matter which side they choose, they’re wrong.
Some of them say both are right.
Those people are called diplomats.
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Other humans are anti-fairy tale.
Why teach kids fairy tales if they just grow up to slaughter people who read different fairy tales?
And so on.
Those people usually get slaughtered, too.
—
Before the anti-fairy tale people say how they feel, they usually start drinking.
Then, they start writing books.
Typically, no one reads them.
Bestsellers change numbers in retirement accounts, but they don’t change anything else.
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The ones slaughtering each other talk a lot about tradition.
Tradition is the fairy tales your parents teach you.
The alcoholic authors call it brainwashing and child abuse.
The slaughterers call it education.
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Humans like to feel important.
You may have heard of the word ego.
That’s what all the slaughtering is for.
They say it helps the ego.
—
I’m back, it’s me again.
We’ll call this metafiction.
Metafiction is a style used by Vonnegut where a work of fiction draws attention to its own artificial, made-up nature.
Maybe if the fairy tales used it, the slaughterhouses would close.
But the egos would need something else to do.
ETC.
