My Imaginary Trip to Asia

In 1982, my kindergarten teacher called my parents with great concern. While recounting a trip to India, I had apparently let my imagination get the better of me. Sadly, 42 years later, I have yet to be remediated, explaining this piece on my imaginary trip to Asia.

The journey will start in a small city thousands of miles away, one with an airport that refers to itself as international but doesn’t actually have international flights. To access those, I’ll have to travel to another country and make my way to a much larger city. In fact, the city will be so large and have so many Asians that I’ll wonder why I’m even taking a trip to Asia.

Regardless, I’ll find a direct flight—layovers are torture—that crosses the Pacific Ocean and lands in an even larger city with way more Asians, say 10 million or so. The metropolitan area will be one of the largest in the world.

Like a local, I’ll take public transportation to the hotel. Somewhere in there, I’ll snooze, but mostly I’ll just dream of fermented vegetables.

When I wake up, I’ll start exploring the place. The history will date back thousands of years. You know, dynasties, palaces, and all that. There will have been a stretch of colonization, followed by a war—and more war. The people will have been poor, then suddenly rich. It’ll be like a miracle, something that only technology could devise.

I’ll check out the river—there has to be one. And then I’ll hit the markets—those dreams will need to be fed, after all. Perhaps I’ll go up a tower to check out the views and, more importantly, populate my social media accounts.

The next day, I’ll ditch the pretend-I’m-cultured act and take an entertainment tour. That’ll be the thing that really brought me there in the first place. The studios. The over-the-top neighborhoods. The music. I’ll pretend to do a dance I saw on YouTube and post it on Instagram. Then I’ll eat street food, followed by non-street food. I’ll probably wash it all down with a rice-based beverage.

On day three, I’ll get back on board with the history matters thing and take a day trip. Specifically, I’ll visit the neighbors, not that they’ll let me in. It’ll be a long story, one that I’ll learn and partially forget. I won’t let the weapons and checkpoints bother me, though. Instead, I’ll focus on the wonders of the natural world.

On day four, I’ll take one of those fast trains everyone talks about. To make it worth my time, I’ll stay on for a couple hours and head to the sea. There, I’ll check out the city, the local film scene, and, needless to say, the beaches. Just for kicks, I’ll throw in a little more history before heading back to the mothership.

To be safe, I’ll leave the last day open. In a place this huge, you never know what will have caught your eye. I’ll probably take the subway, get roped into shopping, and watch my fellow travelers obsess over skin care products. But I’ll stay strong and make sure we stop by a library and/or bookstore. If all goes well, the night will end with a baseball game or a Coldplay concert, where I can resume caloric exploration.

Alas, the time will come when I’ll have no choice but to cross the Pacific in reverse. And, unfortunately, you’ll have no choice but to hear about it.

 

Notes

In 2025, my imaginary trip to Asia will become a reality.

I’ll drive from Rochester, New York, USA, to Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and catch a direct flight to Seoul, South Korea, the largest city in a country of 52 million.

There, I’ll dabble in ancient history, the decades of Japanese colonization, and the subsequent division of the Korean peninsula into two countries.

I’ll marvel at the South Korean economy—the world’s 14th-largest by nominal GDP—and indulge in the street food, including kimchi.

Of course, I’ll also explore K-Pop (including the Gangnam District), the national obsession with skin care, and the far more somber demilitarized zone (DMZ) between North and South.

To sound important, I’ll take a quick trip to Busan, the country’s second-largest city and a coastal paradise.

Finally, I’ll be a true Westerner and entertain myself with Western exports.

And yes, I will in fact return, but no, you won’t have to hear about it, as you already did.