10 Tips for the Perfect Dad Bod

Dad bod.

There’s no exact definition, but you know it when you see it—limited muscular definition up top and a healthy dose of flab in the middle.

It turns out that as a man of many talents, I’ve perfected the look, and as a prominent influencer, I feel obligated to share these tips for success.

 

10

Try not to walk away from the table until you are truly full. Take a TUMS if you need to.

 

9

Also, remember that dinner is just a crude guideline. Make time before and after to nourish yourself.

 

8

Lay off the light beer. Stick to the higher-calorie craft stuff.

 

7

Don’t believe the hype about steps. God invented the automobile for a reason.

 

6

Use chairs to your advantage. Why stand if you can sit?

 

5

Support the local economy and/or child development. Outsource all household duties.

 

4

Remember that the family gym membership was just to save money. You’re under no obligation to actually go.

 

3

Nachos, nachos, nachos. Oh, and wings.

 

2

Stay focused on immediate rewards. The long term is overrated.

 

1

Last but not least, show off the dad bod—if you should wear extra large, go with large. You deserve recognition for your hard work.

 

A special thank you to Louis De Souza for encouraging me to share my expertise. After spending his early years in Kenya, Portugal, and the United Kingdom, Louis has since gained a genuine appreciation for the American work ethic.