Rust Belt Man Goes to the Bahamas

Rust Belt Man is tired.

And he’s nervous.

He’s tired, of course, of being called stupid.

And nervous because he’s finally doing something about it.

He clutches the little blue booklet his niece helped him get.

He had thought of getting one a long time ago but decided to save the cash. Why bother leaving the country when there’s Florida?

But this time is different.

He pats his pocket again to make sure the Winstons are still there.

Then he pats the other side to check on the inhaler.

He thinks back to what his doctor told him—no oxygen yet, but maybe some day.

Standing in the endless line to board is killing his knees. He probably should have gotten the gastric bypass. No matter—he’ll get a scooter for the next time.

Finally, some lady with a weird accent ushers the line forward, and a few turns later, Rust Belt Man is on the ship.

He remembers how his niece told him about the 15th floor, and he waddles over to the elevator.

After the short ride up, he sees his people and cracks out the Winstons.

He decides to have a couple, because he’s not sure if he can light up at the casino.

But when he gets down to the 4th floor, he’s pleasantly surprised.

He starts playing the slots and has a couple more.

Another person with a strange accent brings him a drink. There’s too much ice, but he’ll have a few more anyway—there’s about an hour to kill before dinner.

The woman next to him tells him about the free pizza on the 5th floor, and he decides to grab a couple slices of pepperoni on the way to the dining hall.

In the dining hall, he goes with the steak. He remembers the diverticulosis, but he plans on getting his money’s worth.

When the meal is over, he heads back to the 15th floor for a minute.

There’s a show at 9 pm on the 6th floor, but he decides on the 4th again. It’s only a three-day cruise, and it’s already the end of day one. Determined not to waste time, he stares at his slot machine for a few hours before hitting the hay.

Day two starts on floor 15.

Rust Belt Man hears the announcements about getting off the ship in Nassau, but he knows he’s not going anywhere.

Why pay more when there’s an all-day buffet on 14?

That’s his second stop.

The casino won’t open until later, but he’s got the system down for now.

15, 14, 5, 15, 14, 5.

A few cycles later, the ship is out to sea, and he’s back to 4.

Dinner is steak again—a different cut.

He checks his pockets, remembers he can skip 15 and go straight to 4, and finds his spot.

Before he knows it, it’s already day three.

He ignores the announcements again.

15, 14, 5, 15, 14, 5, steak, 4. He finally makes it to the 6th floor that day—they’re showing the NFL games there.

The next morning, he doesn’t want to leave, but he knows it’s time to give other Rust Belt men their turn.

Off the ship, he finds his niece and offers her a Winston for the ride.

Traveling international is easy, he says.