Rebranding Rochester

After years of writing about this place, I’ve realized that there’s only one way of successfully rebranding Rochester (the one in New York).

You see, I’ve published books about it, blogged about it, and at this point basically given my adult life to it.

Yet people still ask me questions like What airport do I use to fly there? or Do you guys have car dealerships there? or Are there any hotels there?

Aside from helping me recognize that no one has actually read anything I’ve written, these inquiries have helped me acknowledge that there’s only one way forward:

Rebranding Rochester will involve a name change.

Henceforth, we will combine our name with the name of a better-branded city and create a poetic slogan that no one can ever forget.

Here are the finalists.

Chicago + Rochester = Chichester (pronounced Sh*tchester)

Connecticut has plain Chester

Minnesota has Rochester

There’s a whole county called Westchester

But there’s only one Chichester

Rochester + Nashville = Rashville

Bed bugs and urticaria

Psoriasis and eczema

For scabies we got a pill

We got it all in Rashville

Rochester + Atlanta = Ratlanta

Why go Downstate for rodents

When we’re having an Upstate moment?

The restaurants warrant Mylanta

The Health Department calls them Ratlanta

Denver + Rochester = Denter

Whether it’s your fragile ego

Or your car in lake-effect snow

It all gets beat up when you enter

This fine city known as Denter

Pittsburgh + Rochester = Pittsroc

They say you live in the Rust Belt

Some even call it the Snow Belt

It’s the pits, that’s a lock

But hey—the Pittsroc!

Note:

The results of the Rebranding Rochester competition will be published in my next book.