Southern Food for Fat Northerners

Am I allowed to talk about Southern food?

Because in Connecticut, where I grew up, the South is a different country. (Not to open old wounds, but the South even wanted to be its own country.)

The accents are strange.

The obsession with Scripture is strange.

And the voting record—let me not go there.

Of course, being the “worldly” person that I am, I’ve done my best to assimilate.

I married a girl from Kentucky.

I’m sending my son to a Christian school in Tennessee.

I’ve read Southern writers—Harper Lee and William Faulkner, anyone?

I’ve sung the praises of Southern rock for years.

I even bought this fantastic book about the South.

But nowhere has my integration into Southern culture been more seamless than in the culinary domain.

In flirting with obesity, Southern food has been my reliable companion.

So yes, I am allowed to chime in here.

To be safe, I won’t try to explain stuff like chitlins, gizzards, livermush, or Frito pie.

Nor will I dive into the world of alcohol (that’s a whole other post).

But I will revere the basics, as in the things without which our lives here in the US would be far less fulfilling (and probably a lot longer).

Here they are, in alphabetical order.

 

Bacon

The South didn’t invent bacon, but it did make us feel a lot less guilty about munching on saturated fat from pigs.

 

Biscuits

It is impossible to make bread more unhealthy—a big hug for the person who discovered that lard tastes good with butter.

 

Boiled peanuts

Just try them!

 

Cornbread

Taking a page out of the Native American playbook, the South figured out a way to make cornmeal taste good. (Hint: Eggs, butter, and bacon drippings don’t hurt.)

 

Cuban sandwich

We have Cuba’s proximity to Florida to thank for roast pork, ham, Swiss cheese, pickles, mustard, and buttered bread, all grilled to perfection.

 

Fried chicken

No matter who decided to start frying birds, it’s Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) to whom we owe this greasy snack’s ubiquity. (Pro tip: Throw on some hot spices to get the Nashville variety.)

 

Fried green tomatoes

According to S Is for Southern, the 1991 movie—itself based on a novel—created this market, as ripened red tomatoes had been the standard up until then. The South—and tomato vines—haven’t been the same since.

 

Gravy

Anything that starts with pan drippings is worthy of consideration.

 

Greens

Leafy vegetables are so much better when cooked with bacon grease and ham.

 

Grits

While porridge-like corn may not sound appealing, the slop becomes magical when mixed with cheese, shrimp, sausage, or any other worthy accompaniment.

 

Gumbo

The stew from Louisiana, by way of West Africa, comes in all sorts of varieties, none of which disappoints.

 

Jambalaya

Even if you weren’t born on the bayou (to quote a Creedence Clearwater Revival song), your life would be empty without this mélange of rice, meat, and vegetables.

 

Krispy Kreme doughnuts

As the story goes, in 1937, some dude from Kentucky found a recipe in New Orleans and set up shop in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The rest is history.

 

Macaroni and cheese

Pasta, cheese, and butter. No matter which way you break it down, that’s a winning formula, especially with hot dogs thrown in.

 

Pecan pie

Pecans are good. When mixed with eggs, butter, and some form of sugar, they’re better.

 

Tabasco sauce

Avery Island in Louisiana. Capsicum frutescens peppers. Burning mouths since the 1860s.

 

Waffle House

Last but not least, this 1955 Georgia-born brainchild has ensured us access to waffles and various artery-clogging items 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

 

So as a fat Northerner, thank you, Southern food, for bringing me great (short-term) joy.