What Would Susan B. Anthony Say Now?

On November 8, 2016, I vandalized a gravesite. The act was, of course, perfectly legal, a state-sanctioned salute to Susan B. Anthony, the mastermind behind the American women’s suffrage movement. Her name is known throughout the US, but in these parts—Rochester, NY, to be exact—she’s a full-blown icon.

Born in 1820 in Massachusetts, Anthony’s Quaker upbringing fostered a commitment to social justice, to which she devoted her adult life. That adult life was spent largely in Rochester, part of a stretch of land in Upstate New York that served as the epicenter of the 19th-century women’s rights movement.

In 1872, Anthony was famously arrested for attempting to vote at a site now commemorated by a mediocre snack bar called 1872 Cafe. The cafe is just around the corner from her former home, today a National Historic Landmark and popular museum.

Anthony’s work helped lead to the 19th Amendment of the US Constitution, as in the one that granted American women the right to vote (well after the same privilege had been conferred upon women in several other countries). Unfortunately, she passed in 1906, fourteen years before the Amendment was mercifully ratified.

The legend was buried in Rochester’s Mount Hope Cemetery, and it was there that I committed the aforementioned act of vandalism. On that day, I—along with countless others—placed my I Voted sticker on her gravestone. The moment was particularly noteworthy as it was just hours before the country was predicted to elect its first ever female president. As history would have it, a chubby, orange-haired guy had other plans, as he did again in 2024.

Regardless of those outcomes, were Anthony around today, she would undoubtedly be shocked by her surroundings. Here’s what she might say.

 

10

Wait, what the heck is nonbinary?

 

9

I gave my entire life to this, and all I get are these stupid stickers?

 

8

Why are there so many empty buildings in this damn city?

 

7

I knew I should have been buried in New York City.

 

6

Quaker Oatmeal is more popular than Quaker people?!

 

5

Harrison Butker is a little sh*t.

 

4

Where did all these Asians come from?

 

3

Hmmm, maybe not everyone should have a vote.

 

2

These people are even dumber than I remember…

 

1

And there are way more of them!