10 Social Media Posts in Iambic Pentameter

William Shakespeare uplifted the English language with iambic pentameter.

A few centuries later, we Americans have ruined everything.

And if there were ever any hope for linguistic rehabilitation, social media might have put the nail in the coffin.

So is it too late?

Hell no!

Because we’re going to save English with a new movement—social media posts in iambic pentameter.

 

A Quick Reminder

Iambic pentameter is a rhythmic pattern that consists of ten syllables per line arranged in five so-called iambs, each with one unstressed syllable followed by one stressed syllable.

In other words, da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM.

Rhyming is optional.

With that out of the way, let’s dive in. As a disclaimer, if the syllabic emphasis is imperfect, please blame my passport.

 

The Posts

I am very dumb but I don’t know it

Thanks to Musk’s free speech I get to show it

Day in, day out, inaneness I admit

Call it Twitter or X, it’s the same sh*t

 

Let’s make this a thread to help prove a point

In showing no brain I won’t disappoint

The master of nil you can me anoint

And trust me it’s worse when I smoke a joint

 

My kid is just like yours—so average

But I want to add more bytes of garbage

Please like this picture, this grainy image

Of some stupid little football scrimmage

 

I believe conspiracy theories

Because I assume whatever I please

Talking really loudly is my disease

Though my IQ can’t handle expertise

 

With lying and cheating, over the hump

A half country can’t tell that I’m a chump

All racists, morons, and other such dumps

Unite, hard right, make your president Trump

 

I still don’t understand what is a meme

Almost the whole internet, it would seem

Not knowing has me low on self-esteem

That reminds me—can I make this a meme?

 

I—influencer—tell you what to do

Because I get paid for product reviews

Little I say is absolutely true

A simple white lie it cannot hurt you

 

Is there any legit stuff in this place?

It’s better to show butt and not your face

So I’ve learned from my years in cyberspace

My butt size means the trend can’t be embraced

 

If you follow me you’ll be my hero

My follower count will surpass zero

I’ll no longer stand out like a weirdo

I am one its true but who needs to know

 

Indeed I am a blogger no one reads

I never show up on Instagram feeds

I don’t get all the likes my ego needs

Perhaps I should do more meaningful deeds

 

A Final Word

yw