4 Olympic Sports I Could Play

When I say could play, I mean exactly that. Because when it comes to Olympic sports, most would be a no go for me. Like gymnastics. Or water polo. Or skateboarding. Those, I literally could not play. On the other hand, if the International Olympic Committee (IOC) is listening, here are four sports I could do (with no guarantee of competence).

Hot Dog Eating

As a view of my (physical) profile suggests, anything that includes the word eating goes well with my skill set.

The gold standard here is Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest, something the IOC could mimic if this becomes an Olympic sport.

In the contest, participants down as many Nathan’s hot dogs (in buns) as they can in ten minutes. The world record is a mere 76, courtesy some guy named Joey Chestnut.

Of course, when my time comes, my story might be considered a cautionary tale regarding the dangers of immigration. How else would you explain an Indian-origin dude binge eating beef?

Cornhole

This is the “sport” that may have originated in Cincinnati, the one in which chubby people throw a bean bag into a hole in a board.

At least on an amateur level, concurrent alcohol consumption is encouraged, giving me hope that I would blend right into the culture.

Yes, swinging one’s arm in underhand fashion can be exhausting, but I’m confident I have the stamina to make it work.

Beer Pong

Listen, if ping pong (fine, table tennis) can be an Olympic sport, there is absolutely no reason why beer pong cannot.

That’s the game where you throw a ping pong ball into your opponent’s beer-filled cups, making them remove a cup from the table if you get the ball in—after they chug the contents inside, of course. You win when you’ve eliminated all opposing cups.

The best part of this game is that losing ain’t all that bad.

In other words, not winning a medal might feel really good.

Pop-A-Shot

Everyone knows about Olympic basketball.

Now, there’s apparently a 3-on-3 version, one played on only half the court.

Why not take things to the next level and remove the need for any athletic ability?

It’s called Pop-A-Shot, otherwise known as playing basketball while standing still, reducing the game we love to a simple flick of the wrist.

The best part is that you can usually find this at an arcade, which, if you’re lucky, serves…hot dogs!

I’ll see you in 2028.